| Do it... |
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| 06:04pm 01/10/2008 |
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If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... you're on my list, so i want to know you better!
Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? |
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| Little did he know... |
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| 09:37pm 13/04/2007 |
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...that this would be the outcome of what I started.
I wish I could say that things are for the best...but I can't. It's not that things aren't for the best...I just can't say it with conviction. I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all.
No. That's not entirely true either.
I'm just a little sad. More than usual. And it's not for the reasons that one might think...though the end of this particular chapter is pretty depressing.
I'm sad that she couldn't really see what was happening. I'm sad that I'm being called lazy. I think...no...I know that I'm not being lazy. I go to school. I teach. I work. And I made sure she and her children had someone watching over them. Did I make a lot of money? No...and ultimately, that's the key. Well...money and sex. Oh...and snoring. The crass and crude side of me has plenty to say about her and what she wants...but I can't really say it. I can whisper it in solitude and darkness, but never out loud. She has a right to want what she wants...just as anyone has a right to want what they want. I wish she wanted something else...I wish she wanted me. Not so much because I wanted to be wanted...but because I hate walking away. I hate leaving what I'm leaving behind. I don't want to let those kids down.
But am I really letting them down? In a way. And it would be easy to point a finger at her and blame her for what's going to happen and rest assured, I realize that there is responsibility there. I just...well...I don't know...
When a man once loved a women, he would do anything for her...expect love her again...
And that's where I am...no longer in love. With nothing to replace it with... |
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| And the distance grows... |
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| 09:00pm 08/01/2007 |
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...I know things have changed. And I also know that they won't go back to the way they were. We're just two different. Our values are different. What we want in life is different. Our paths are not the same. I'm glad for our time...and will miss it when it's gone. But my time here is limited and I must prepare for the future... |
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| He held out his wrinkled hand... |
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| 02:23pm 14/02/2006 |
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mood:  sad music: Eine Kleine Nachtmusick
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...calloused from years of hard work. In it was two acorns.
"That's 2 bucks...Ha Ha Ha!"
My best friend and I both looked at each other with confusion. What was this man talking about?
The old man put one of the acorns into the pocket of his brown slacks that he had probably owned since the mid-70's and in that raspy voice in with its heavy german accent he said, "That's a buck and a half!"
That was the first joke I remember Peter telling me. Though I never once call him by his first name. He was always Mr. Niemann to me, even when I had grown up. Even today, at 30 years old, he's Mr. Niemann...my best friend's father.
My best friend's family is...well...unique.
Mr. and Mrs. Niemann had only planned on having 4 children...well...let me rephrase...they had 4 sons and decided that was enough.
Then 6 years later...on a love filled night, they discovered that the condom had a hole and 9 months later, the twins were born! So now there were 6 boys. Each a fine example of the Aryan dream. All blonde haired and blue eyed...well...either blonde or bald. The smallest is still over 6' tall. The largest about 6'4" and 260 lbs. Each has the work ethic of a mule, the pain tolerance of a stump, and the intelligence of amad scientist...strangely enough, two of them are scientists...three engineers and one in international business or something, but he was formerly a submarine soldier...go figure.
I spent a lot of time over at the Niemann house. And my best friend, his twin (who is a very good friend) and I had a lot of good memories. Even the time when Mr. and Mrs. Niemann though that I was gay and trying to convert my best friend and that I was my very good friend's drug dealer. The were wrong about the gay thing...but they don't know how right they were on the second...at least they didn't quite realize until my very good friend got caught with a sack in his pocket that he promptly admitted to getting from me...but I appreciate that he didn't want to lie to his parents...
For about 4 years his parents hated me. I'd come over and say hello to Mr. Niemann and the reply would be a grunt and not even a glance. But the day I showed up from work dressed in slacks and a tie was the day that Mr. Niemann was again my friend. Apparently, I regained some respectability that day.
Two weeks ago...on a calm quiet morning at approximately 12:30 am, Mr. Niemann suffered a heart attack. It took 8 minutes for the ambulence to get there. They brought his body back, but his mind was gone.
We all knew that Mr. Niemann's time was coming. He lived a hard life. He never fully recovered from being a prisoner or the soviets in WWII. Yes...he was a soldier in the Nazi army. He was 15 and didn't want to be there. He had no rifle...no ammo...and his boots didn't fit.
He immediately got captured by the Soviets and was sent to one of the "death" prison camps. In that camp, he wsa starved to less than 100 lbs. Somehow he found a way to escape and avoided capture by the dogs by covering himself with dog feces and cow manure. This is the strength of this man's character. He physically covered his entire body with crap and ran...he didn't stop running until ran into an American prison camp and there he stayed for the rest of the war. He went back home to be a blacksmith and then immigrated to the US and was an iron worker.
It also seems, that history is not without irony...irony that wasn't lost on Mr. Niemann, the iron worker, who in the mid-80's crafted the iron gate entrance to the Soviet Embassy in San Francisco.
By the time I met him...he was a bent skinny man who smoked entirely too much. But his hands were hard and calloused. These hands gave "love with feeling", which my best friend's backside felt often while growin up. These hands were so tough that one time I saw Mr. Niemann reach into a burning fireplace and turn a lit log with is bare hand...pausing occasionally to brush the embers off of his fingers.
I going to miss him. And as much as I know I'm going to miss him, his family is going to miss him even more.
"So they sprayed the park for ticks the other day..."
"How do you know that Mr. Niemann?"
"Because I walked through and my watch stopped working..."
Good bye Mr. Niemann... |
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| So...umm...yeah... |
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| 11:47pm 31/01/2006 |
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mood: Confused music: Moonlight Sonata
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...so much for disregarding rationality and going with my heart.
No...we didn't break up.
And no...it doesn't really look like it's the end of anything.
It's just that I hate taking a step back. It always feels a lot like losing.
I know I love her and I know she loves me. And in all reality this is the right thing for her to do. In many ways I think that moving in with her was an immediate fix for her situation. She was in bad shape and I was able to help her get through that time. I know that it was good for her and maybe it was good for me too. I just wish this didn't feel so freakin' fucked up. I am completely and totally in love with her and just want to be there for her and her kids. I don't really come with much...just me...and it seems like that is enough. I don't know.
There is a part of me that is upset because of everything that I left behind and everything that I did to get to this point. It's almost like I fucked up and wasted my time. Now...I'm probably going to have to skip this semester because I dropped my classes at my old JC and started classes here at a new JC. And I have to try and get some of my shifts back at the bar or get a new job. And I don't know if I want to try and get my job back at the golf course. I completely changed my life...and yes...that was my decision and I knew that this wasn't a guarantee...okay...so I honestly knew that this had a pretty good chance of not working out the way I had hoped...
Wow...why didn't I listen to my head...why why why!!!
Oh well...all I can do now is hope that we can work through this and find a way to grow...
I love her. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| The Good Life... |
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| 03:28am 02/10/2005 |
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mood: Successful music: Peter Gabriel - The Barry Williams Show
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...Often I've stayed up late at night wondering where I went wrong. Why didn't I go to college earlier? Why didn't I take advantage of my talents. Where's that great job? Why did my family life suck butt? Why isn't my life better?
Tonight was not one of those nights. Yes...I'm still awake and I have to work in 6 hours, but tonight was filled with some clarity that I haven't had in some time. No...this doesn't mean that I didn't drink today...in fact, I drank twice...and paid the price once.
What is the good life? Is it money? Is it a great job? A house? A car?
To some maybe this is how they rank the success of their life. As I grow older, I find that this is not how I rank my life. Success is a pretty darn ethereal concept that has no immutable design.
Today...I believe that I am successful. I believe that life has, in some strange way, treated me well. I don't have a lot of money, but my life is rich. I don't have a lot of friends, but those I do have are true. I don't get a lot of free time, but the freedom I have is time.
It's really hard to put into words the truth of my success because, as I said earlier, the definition of success changes from person to person. All I know is that I'm smiling and everything is just...right... |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| I've got to thank you... |
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| 02:02am 16/09/2005 |
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mood: Content music: Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful
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...for reawakening the sexual creature within. You prepared me for what was to come in more ways than I realized at the time... |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| To fall in love... |
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| 02:04am 16/06/2005 |
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...is to create a religion with a fallible god.
I understand why people fall in love with flawed souls. I understand why we justify or quantify that it's okay because we were in love. I also understand how one can be tainted by the results of that love.
I just wish that other people would understand it too...and understand that love that is flawed in not love at all... |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| How old are you? |
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| 08:35pm 11/04/2005 |
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music: David Gray - Lullaby
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You Are 30 Years Old |
30
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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I turn 30 in two months... |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| Am I really depressed? |
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| 10:39pm 07/04/2005 |
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...or do I just play one on TV?
I don't think I'm depressed...though the fact that I'm seen as depressed is kinda depressing. I'm entirely too sexy to be depressed. And my hair is really cool. How can someone with great hair and an innate sexiness be depressed? |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Fucked up dream... |
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| 04:08am 16/03/2005 |
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mood:  confused music: Soul Coughing - Sugar Free Jazz
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I just had a totally whacked out dream. All pretty bad.
So it started with a trip to somewhere with my Hawaiian honey and her father in law and ex boyfriend. Can’t tell you where we went…but there was golf involved.
Then, she’s naked in my lap with only a blanket around us. And somehow we’re in someone else’s house in Daly City, right next to the SFO airstrip. A Ghost lands...you know...the Automated Ghost Fighter from the RDF Guide…
Well…so naked Hawaii Honey is in my lap and we’ve only got a blanket separating the manipulations of my hands from the eyes of her father in law and ex boy friend. But they know what’s up. So they get this big guy and they all try and drug me. I run…and get into my car (which is somehow there…not sure how…)
So now I’m looking for some golf course and now I guess I’m also running from the cops because I shot someone in the head. But I didn’t mean to. And then someone vomits on my car and the police are there. And I’m still a wanted man, only they don’t check my plates…which for some reason are hiding money. A whole giant wad of sweaty money.
Now I’m racing away…somehow, I went from cruising the streets of Daly City (though it looks more like a Hillsborough) to the high ways of Berkeley. I don’t even know where I’m going as it seems that I’m heading for the top of the world. Then…I’ve got my other female friend in the passenger seat of my car…she’s trying to tell me which way to go…and I’m trying to figure out how to get there…and suddenly…I run off the edge of the highway and over the side of a cliff.
We land on some soft sand in someone’s backyard and it doesn’t make any noise. The only way the people figure out that a car is back there is because my friend is making so much noise complaining about being stuck in the middle of no where…so who comes out of the house? The Hawaiian girl, her father in law and the ex boyfriend who wanted to drug me…
Then I woke up…but not before other neighbors started taking picture with my car after putting a rotting cow head on the hood…
Okay…there are more details…but this is the gist of the dream…now it’s 3:20 in the morning and I’m almost afraid to go back to sleep…I think I’m drinking too much… |
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| "You're breath smells nice..." |
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| 12:57pm 08/03/2005 |
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mood: Outstanding music: Paul Simon - Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes
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"...kinda like a fuzzy navel."
I love my life. The only thing missing is sex with the other gender. Not that I'm having sex with my own gender. Though give it another 2 years and I'd probably consider it. Don't get any ideas Shotty... |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Okay...so I'm a follower... |
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| 09:56am 26/02/2005 |
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music: Jesus Wrote a Blank Check - Cake
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Ten things that I've done that most of you haven't...
1. Had sex in an Eddie Bauer Dressing Room with a girl whose brother was working at that very Eddie Bauer at that very moment...
2. Held a living hawk with a broken wing in my arms with a blanket and waiting while Rescue Raptor took their merry time getting there...
3. Held the heads in my lap of 2 separate deer to comfort them after they had been hit by moving vehicles...unfortunately both had to be put down.
4. Hiked to the top of Half Dome.
5. Masturbated to completion 8 times in one day. (women are excluded from this claim. For a guy...well...let's just say that by 5, your cock is coughing out dust...)
6. Had a multiple orgasm. (Once again...I am man...women are excluded from this claim.)
7. Got my Eagle.
8. Can shoot someone in the eyeball from 200 yards.
9. Survive several nights in the sierras with little more than a buck knife and flashlight.
10. Hiked 50 miles in a week. |
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| Fuck me in the Ass... |
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| 10:23am 04/01/2005 |
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mood:  angry music: N/A
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...with a rusty chain saw...
So...I'm here at the office today. I know...I was supposed to be done on the 31st. But my boss needed me for a bit and I offered to come in for a couple hours...
So...my last order...the last request I made of the warehouse...I needed a 1/4 delivery.
Well my stupid stuck up slow assed crotchety old bitches who are "replacing" me at our new office fucked it up and decided that it didn't need to be there today.
I don't understand. They don't seem to get it. When our #2 client needs something on a specific day, and we've already fucked them by delaying the shipment by 2 months...you get it there on the day that want it there.
Well...this is the e-mail that I sent them...
[quote]If you'll remember, we sent 600 lbs. about 2 weeks ago as part of this 4,000#. This 3,400 lbs. fulfills the remainder of the amount due.
Secondly, if I have requested overnite shipping...IT MUST GO OVERNITE REGARDLESS OF COST!!! I understand that you may not have all the information, but we do not request overnite shipping very often and when we do it MUST go overnight.
We are picking up the shipping costs for this shipment.
Background is this. We're late. We're two months late. Part of this is due to misunderstandings between Japan and us, and part of it is due to lack of fiber. But we had taken responsibility for this shipment being late.
I guarenteed THE CLIENT that we would get this to them today. Now this is not going to happen.
This is the third time (the second with this client) that I have either requested overnight or set it up for overnight shipping and it has not happened.
For future reference, please maintain a level of urgency, especially when dealing with our major clients.
Please contact me with any questions.[/quote]
And their response.
[quote]Sorry, but your response is too late. Eastern Sales Rep suggested, when I couldn't
reach VP, that we send via truck (2 day service), which we did. I did see
the last most recent shipment accounting for the difference.
Sorry, but I can't keep your promises when I am not aware of them.
Regards,[/quote]
to which I replied...
[quote]Let's just put it this way. I sent over the order. I requested a delivery date of 1/4. I have never arbitrarily requested a delivery date for a shipment that was not time sensitive.
And for future reference I really hope that you don't respond in this manner to a client. I've worked very hard over the last 3 years to establish very good relations with our clients. I do not appreciate having Mike Tillett calling me up and ripping on me because we can't fulfill a delivery date because we can't seem to get our act together.
Regards,[/quote]
I'm really really really glad that I no longer work here...and that I can refer all angry calls to them... |
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| 03:48pm 30/12/2004 |
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Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
June
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easilyhurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn. |
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| I kinda wanted 3... |
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| 11:05am 30/12/2004 |
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You Are the Individualist |
4
You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.
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shadyslug's journal